Our Rainbow Baby

As this is the last day of October (almost November since I write this near midnight) and we wrap up Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness month, I write about welcoming our rainbow baby to our family, Norah Jane.  Ironically, she was born on the day of the tulip planting ceremony that is hosted by my support group to commemorate all of the babies that left the earth too soon for our liking.

I was so relieved when she was born that she was safe and well in our arms.  And since we waited until the end to know if we were having a boy or a girl, there was the surprise of finding out that we would have FOUR girls in our home.  It was love at first sight.

A rainbow baby is a child born after a pregnancy loss or, in my case, several losses.  I think about the symbolism of this name a great deal.  I think about the account of Noah and God placing the rainbow in the sky as a covenant and symbol of His love for us.  I think about how rainbows come after a rainstorm and can turn a dreary day into something so wonderfully colorful.  Rainbows don't take away the effects of the rain.  Their appearance doesn't mean that it will never rain again.  And so it is with a rainbow baby.  Norah is not a replacement for the three children I have lost and her birth doesn't mean that I won't ever have another miscarriage.  I do, however, feel of my Heavenly Father's love for me every time I look at her.

Reed took a video (I didn't know he was taking a video) of me shortly after Norah was born.  I was cuddling her for the first hour of her life and feeling so many emotions. I started crying for many reasons.  I cried because I was still sad that I never got to hold Jean-Yves, Luc, or Henrietta and I still missed them.  I cried because I remembered that the last time I was in a labor and delivery room, it wasn't to give birth and I left empty-armed.  I cried because I was relieved that Norah was safe,  I cried because I was so thankful to my Heavenly Father for all the ways he showed me His love.  I have chosen to share this video because I want you to know that it's OK to feel so many emotions that might seem strange to be together.  It seems conflicting to be happy and sad at the same time.  It is OK, though.  The rainbow doesn't mean you will never be sad again.  Just remember that you have a Heavenly Father who loves you and will never leave you alone.  He will help you through the sad times.  Always.