So Many Dates

One thing that I didn't realize about miscarriages is how many anniversaries there are.  The date you found out you were pregnant, the date you miscarried, the actual due date, and for me the date for all of my DNC's.  Now, I don't always remember the exact date for everything... there are just so many for me to keep track.  I do remember general times though and I have tried to be proactive and plan things that make me happy.  I have a conundrum for tomorrow though because what I planned can't happen!

Tomorrow is one year that I lost Luc.  I actually remember this date because I started miscarrying the day of my sister-in-law's wedding.  It could have been an extremely bad day for me with Luc being Miscarriage #2.  I don't think I could have been in a better place though.  We are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and we believe that when a worthy man and a worthy woman are married in a sacred Temple, those two are sealed for time and all eternity along with all of their posterity.  My sister-in-law was married in the Washington D.C. temple (isn't it beautiful) and Reed and I were present in the sealing room.

It was wonderful to be reminded that we are an eternal family.  The babies we lost would one day be reunited with us, having perfect bodies.  I was able to participate in a beautiful occasion with full joy in my heart.  The sadness would catch up with me later, as I knew it would.  But I was better equipped to deal with it, possessing the knowledge of which I was reminded of on that special day.

Now, fast forward a year later.  One of my favorite places for dessert is Rita's Italian Ice and I go there any chance I get!  After each DNC I took a trip to Rita's to lift my spirits.  Somehow it just helped.

After Miscarriage #1 and a 2 night stay in the hospital that resulted in a DNC

Tomorrow is a day when I planned to eat at Rita's but they are closed this winter!  (Last year they were open on the weekends during the winter).  Now what?  I have to find something else, something that will make the day joyous.  It's not so much that I am drowning my sorrows or trying to forget.  I prefer to think of it as a celebration and a way for me to commemorate how far I've come.  I have grown much as a person in the last year and a half and though I would have preferred that growth come in a different way, it is what it is and I will take it.  

So I just know that the whole month August is a hard month.  November 22nd is a hard day.  Late January and early February will be hard.  The holidays will have a tinge of sadness every now and then.  Mid-July will be a little tough.  But I will have a plan and I will celebrate in my own special way the short lives of my babies.