A friend messaged me today to see if I was open to talking about my miscarriage experiences with her. She just found out yesterday that her unborn baby did not have a heartbeat. Immediately my heart broke for her. I would not wish that experience on anybody. The memory of that day in August 2014 when I went in for my 16 week exam came flooding back. When the nurse practioner couldn't find a heartbeat with the doppler, she calmly said that they would check me out with an ultrasound and for me not to worry. With my past history, I just knew the worst had happened again and I started crying. I cried while the technician scanned me and then cried even harder when she told me "I'm sorry, there is no heartbeat." By a tender mercy from Heavenly Father, my doctor happened to be in the office on a day she wasn't scheduled. They rushed to tell her what had happened and she ran into the room and threw her arms around me. After I had calmed a little, I called Reed to tell him the news and he came to drive me home. The whole experience is like a video that plays in my mind with the sharpest clarity. I can remember every emotion, the whole sequence, every single nuance of the day I lost Henrietta.
The holidays can be such a hard time for people who have experienced a loss. For those with pregnancy loss there is always a feeling of sadness for the lost milestones. If Henrietta had lived, this would have been her first Christmas. She would have almost been a year old.
Now, today, my heart breaks for my friend who will always remember Christmas time as a time when she lost her child. I know that she has the gospel on her life and I hope she clings to the love of our Heavenly Father to get her and her family through. Christ came to earth so that we could all return to live with God again. And that means we can be with our loved ones for eternity.
As a reminder to all of you, I am always open to talking about my experiences. I hope that you too have the hope that the gospel brings in your life, to help you at this difficult time.
