The day of my 16 week appointment, I cried and cried all morning. I finally couldn't stand it anymore because I wasn't seeing the doctor until late afternoon. I needed to be able to function and take care of the girls. So I got down on my knees, prayed, and asked Heavenly Father to make the intense worry go away and allow me to go through the day with greater ease. He did and I was able to get up, get showered, get dressed, help the girls with their schoolwork, and everything else. I'm not going to say I didn't worry at all. I did! The worry at least was lessened so that I could function and I could still smile at funny things the girls were doing and laugh at their silliness.
It was a relief to hear the heartbeat at my doctor's appointment. She could tell how relieved I was and just said "You know, just come in every week until you can feel the baby moving around more. A nurse will check you out and it's such a quick visit." I had resisted going in every week before since I didn't think they would really help. It's not like I went into early labor, my babies just died and there's nothing medically that could have helped that. This time I accepted the invitation and gladly went every week to hear the baby's heartbeat.
My doctor scheduled me for an 18-week Level 2 ultrasound at Riverside Hospital just to make sure the baby was developing well and everything was going smoothly. We have had a Level 2 before with Vivi so I was looking forward to seeing everything up close and seeing all the details. It's pretty awesome to see each arm and leg, the brain, the lungs, the heart, the blood flow, the face. This baby was not as cooperative as Vivi and stayed curled up in a ball most of the time, which made getting good pictures pretty hard. Everything turned out fine though. I am going back in at 24 weeks for them to check a spot on my uterus that might be a fibroid, a cyst, or a polyp. As long as it's not growing, the doctor isn't worried so I am not either.
Now I am at 20 weeks and I caught myself the other day thinking "Wow, remember when I was worried every single day that it would be the end? Remember when I would say things like 'if this baby comes' or 'it's at least alive today'?" I don't worry anymore and I even am starting to think about "when" this baby comes instead of "if". I know full well that many things can happen from now until my due date. Support group has taught me that. However, with my history, I think I can be more relaxed. Finally.
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| I just thought this was such a cool picture. A little foot and leg. |
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| Noooooo, stop sucking your thumb! |
And, no, we didn't find out the gender. I have always waited until the bitter end and I darn tootin' wanted at least one "normal" routine for this pregnancy!
