Dear Luc

Dear Luc James,

Sometime during the month of July 2014 was your due date.  I don't actually know the specific date because I lost you so early and I never made it to the doctor.  I actually would have always wondered if I really miscarried or just had a really late period.  Except a week later, I started bleeding heavily and ended up needing a DNC.  So I know I really lost you.  The holidays were not quite as fun knowing that.

I wish I could have seen you, like I did with Jean-Yves and Henrietta.  If you really are a girl, I apologize!  I just decided you were a boy and gave you a name.  I'll make it up to you after we are resurrected and you can set me straight.

You are named after my two favorite Star Trek captains, Captain Picard and Captain Kirk.  You share the other part of Captain Picard's name with your brother, Jean-Yves.  I am sure you would have been adventurous and fun-loving as well as brave and courageous.  I am comforted knowing that you are with your siblings in heaven.  I know that even if you were my only loss, you wouldn't have been alone.  There are aunts, uncles, and great-grandparents with you also.  But knowing that you have your brother and sister with you makes me feel like half of our family is just displaced for a while.

It boggles my mind that you would have been a year old this month.  Instead, I am entering the third trimester with your sibling.  And, so, I miss you.

Love,
Mommy