February 5 was my due date with Henrietta. With it now being a year and a half since I started my miscarriage journey, I have discovered that I treat certain days differently for each baby. For Jean-Yves and Henrietta, I knew their due dates and looked forward to them. I celebrate their very short lives on those days and, although I am still quite sad, their due dates tend to be happy ones. Don't get me wrong, I still cried plenty. But it is possible to feel both grief and joy at the same time and on my celebration days the joy can overcome the grief.
Their loss dates though are very sad for me. August will just be a hard month since I lost both of them around the same time in consecutive years. I will mourn more on those days, maybe keep to myself and let myself cry.
Luc, however, was with us for so little time that I didn't even know a due date for him. I didn't even get to that first doctor's appointment. I think I would have questioned if I was pregnant at all if it hadn't been for the need for a DNC. So for him, I celebrate his life on his loss date of November 22.
With Jean-Yves' and Henrietta's dates being so close, I planned a lot of celebrations that spanned the whole week. My last celebration will be when I get to visit my best friend and her new son, August. We were due 2 weeks apart and I can't wait to hold him and think about how small (or big) Henrietta would have been. It is mind-boggling to think that time can just pass by like that. That life does go on even though a part of me just stopped for a bit.
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