There Is No Way "Over"

I'm all about words to use and words to lose and I have lost the words "get", "over", and "it" when put together in any way, shape, or form.  I just don't understand them.  Thankfully, I have never been told by anyone that I should be over my losses.  I have heard people describe others as never having gotten over something, usually a loss, though.  What does that mean?  Does it mean that on special anniversaries/birthdays/days of remembrances that they get a little emotional and still sad?  Does it mean that they still talk about their loved one, years later?  Does it mean that they still miss them?  They can still smile though, right?  They still laugh sometimes?  They get out of bed and take care of themselves and their families?  If the answer is yes then, yeah, I guess they never got over it.  Instead they moved forward, like I am.  

Time does heal a lot of wounds.  The farther I get from certain dates, the hurt eases a little.  The grief counselor for my support group often describes it as a "shift".  Emotions can change and change again like a wave.  Sometimes the wave is far away from you, sometimes it just covers your toes, and sometimes it washes over.  But it never leaves.  You just have to figure out ways to handle the emotions when they wash over.  

I will never get over my losses.  And I am not alone in that.  I've heard from many, many women, several much older than I, who have gone on after losses to have many children.  And they still think about their miscarriages.  They still think about their losses.  They still miss them and wonder what their babies would have been like.  They all have moved forward though and I will too.

Do your loved ones a favor- Never tell them that they should be over a loss.  It's just not going to happen.  

Days to Celebrate and Days to Mourn

February 5 was my due date with Henrietta.  With it now being a year and a half since I started my miscarriage journey, I have discovered that I treat certain days differently for each baby.  For Jean-Yves and Henrietta, I knew their due dates and looked forward to them.  I celebrate their very short lives on those days and, although I am still quite sad, their due dates tend to be happy ones.  Don't get me wrong, I still cried plenty.  But it is possible to feel both grief and joy at the same time and on my celebration days the joy can overcome the grief.
Their loss dates though are very sad for me.  August will just be a hard month since I lost both of them around the same time in consecutive years.  I will mourn more on those days, maybe keep to myself and let myself cry.
Luc, however, was with us for so little time that I didn't even know a due date for him.  I didn't even get to that first doctor's appointment.  I think I would have questioned if I was pregnant at all if it hadn't been for the need for a DNC.  So for him, I celebrate his life on his loss date of November 22.

With Jean-Yves' and Henrietta's dates being so close, I planned a lot of celebrations that spanned the whole week.  My last celebration will be when I get to visit my best friend and her new son, August.  We were due 2 weeks apart and I can't wait to hold him and think about how small (or big) Henrietta would have been.  It is mind-boggling to think that time can just pass by like that.  That life does go on even though a part of me just stopped for a bit.